1 Terror-byte Please....

India is a country with unity in diversity. Don’t feel bored, it is just a line to start with. I do not know what happened to my creativity. It took three days to come up with the starting line and that is also borrowed from Mr. Nehru`s book. My dream will come true if I start my talk with bhaiyon aur behano. But it is not possible because my father has no link to Big-B and my mother is not a foreigner.

I was thinking about the progress of our country in spite of being targeted many times. As I remember, first Mughals came to our land. At that time India was termed as Golden Bird. So Mughals brought with them the recipe of tandoori food. During the entire Mughal period, the Mughals used to fry n roast this bird and in the end, after being ruined up, we just ended up learning the art of Mughlai food. But Mughals also gave some great architectures and monuments. The walls of these artistic buildings are used by lovers to learn how to write the name of their partner, serving the nation as a support to Right to Education Program and sometimes it supports our inherited art of meditation by providing unreachable and unseen places so that anyone or two can do….. Oh I forget, the Meditation.

After Mughals we faced the Britishers. Their policy was to take the money and send it to England. And our policy is to send it to Switzerland. They used to divide and rule, but now our politicians are perfect in dividing- the funds among themselves and ruling jaye bhaad me. Though the Englishmen were rude and rigid but they had ignited the art to oppose and demand in Indians. At that time the art was cultivated in Indian National Movement. Now that art is turned into protest for demanding Reservation, separate State. I want to appreciate the English era because they had given icons like Bhagat Singh, Azad, Bismil, Gandhiji, Nehru, Tipu Sultan, Rani Jhansi and many more that are known for their ultimate sacrifice.

So the bottom line is this, every time we are attacked we got some good things.

 Like, Parliament attack gave us the establishment for extra Para-military forces and the feeling that if the Parliament can be attacked then we are only mango people – we can be squeezed.

Mumbai terror attack boosted our Navy and Coastal forces strength. All the four metros are now having the NSG centers. National Investigating Agency is established to keep track and trace these kinds of incidents.

In future some states will come up with STZs (Special Terrorist Zone) which provides complete infrastructure for terrorist activities in the state so that the state can demand special package from central government.  

I want to end up with the words that when someone shows you red eyes or you are facing really bad time of your life, just hang on and you will see something great coming in your way.

R-Day Special

Saavdhan , vishram, saavdhan.

Anna jahan ka—humne khaya

Vastra jahan ke – humne pehne

Woh hai pyara – desh hamara

Iski raksha – hum karenge, hum karenge, hum karenge.

This was the slogan I used to shout in my school twice a year- R-day and I-day. Followed by the National Anthem and then the announcer used to invite the Principal to give some guiding words to the students and the Principal clearly overrides the instructions of the announcer as he translated the words into speech.

At that time I could not guess but now I am sure that the Principal was the master of some Chinese art which can make people sleep by words. Just for the sake of two Bananas I used to stand two hours or more, facing the Sun, the Speeches and most interesting (actually horrible) the performances of the students. I never performed in the school on any occasion, because of that I need to perform now to get the appraisal from my Boss. Most of you must have coincidence with me.

Things have changed. We are grown up and civilized now and can wear the low waist denim to flash the underwear. Republic day is just another leave. I asked my Boss to color the company logo in tricolor on the eve of Republic day. He replied that the Management had already taken the decision to color it to blue to support Indian Cricket team for the coming World Cup as a marketing strategy. I was wordless.

I began to imagine the day when we can see the cricketers marching down the Rajpath in place of Armed forces. Missiles will be replaced by stumps and tanks by the cricket bats.

I read an advertisement by a bar, serving special drinks on the occasion of R-day. I thought what could be the special drinks? Are they going to mix sense of brotherhood and patriotism with beer?

Is this a silly question??

Yes it is, Brotherhood, Patriotism, Social Service etc. all comes in, when you are drunk. I witnessed people discussing Nuclear Bill, marriages of their children, Employment Enhancement and so many things for which a focused and calm mind is required, in the bar.

I am also a responsible citizen of this country. I and my friends had chalked out some critical issues to discuss on. As tomorrow is a holiday so tonight we can discuss.

Happy Republic Day.

Mobile Code

How we get our salary? I asked my companion R.

R said- through check because we r new n don’t have bank account.

Ohh!! I sighed.

Suddenly the phone rang.

I picked it up,”hello,hello lallan I m P from HR section, kindly collect your bank account form.

Next day I started for bank to submit the form and have the bank kit like passbook , check book, facebook ,,,whatever. Earlier, I only knows scrapbook.

We three, Me, R n G, reached the bank right on time and submitted our application.

Now a days we are able to see the complete makeover of the banks.

Ya Ya I know that banks are now well furnished, well lit, but I am talking about some pretty faces, result of massive Bank service Recruitment. Now I came to know the reason of Indian Economy being firm in recession.  Nobody wants to withdraw money from banks but to deposit. In old days we used to see people in queue always fights for their turn but now everyone has free time. Banks are following footsteps of Bollywood. Now every movie has one item girl to attract the crowd and so the banks. Don’t mind it if you have any of your loved one`s. Banks are having the personal banking branch but how much personal?? Sorry guys I don’t know. I am not in THAT business.

Ok leave it.

We finished the bank formalities and got our bank kits. Then the clerk said,” why don’t you people have mobile banking? Just do whatever you want on your mobile and no need to come to the bank. Just write one application to branch manager and you will get it right here, right now.”

I thought he is a bluff master. He is trying to be Piggy Chop and will chop us with some service charge.

We all were thinking.

Then the clerk said,” it’s free!!”

Actually we all were pretending to be thinking. You must have known by now that we don’t have any mind.

We are humans or predominantly Indians accept all the things which are free like air, sunlight, rain, 20% extra things, buy one get one, zyada neembu ki shakti, extra MMR in Mortein, ab char guna behtar naya wheel, and some products are out of the scope which always comes with something extra.

Hey don’t dive too much, come back!!

We started to write the application for mobile banking service without asking any question because—its free.

First G went to the manager and got the M-banking.

Then R, n got it.

Now it’s me. I handed over the application to the manager.

Turn on your Bluetooth- manager said

I replied,” Sir, I don’t have Bluetooth enable mobile.”

The manager was stunned and asked,” what mobile do u have?”

Nokia 1108, I said, showing my mobile to him.

Then he surveyed me from top to bottom and find me eligible for Rajeev Gandhi Aarthik Sahayta Yojana.

He started laughing and completes the exercise which he might have forgotten to do in the morning.

Then he stops, “Aaa..oho…huuu ,,are yaar pet dard karne laga,,,tumhare pass multimedia mobile nahi hai. Aajkal zara zara se bachhe leke ghum rahe hai”. You are in Top Technologies Ltd. Naa??

I was highly embarrassed and searching a corner and those two fellows R n G standing behind,putting their hands on their mouth, like two monkeys of Gandhiji, I guessed that they are enjoying the full swing.

My heart was full of dejection. India is known to be a land of snake-charmers. What is the use of having world`s fastest growing economy, 4<sup>th</sup> powerful Army and hub of world`s brightest minds if a fellow Indian behaves like this. I was about to break then suddenly I thought I am not writing any tragic story. There should be happy ending.

I was thinking to give him a good reply, but I maintained my sense of brotherhood.

If everything is available on mobile then why do we need them? I know why these middle-aged, baldy freaks want advanced phones.

This shows how the services are available to the people of our country.

I gave him a smile, took my application back and said, “Thanks for your valuable time, Sir.”

I walked away.

Meeting Room

This is my first experience and I wanted to pay my acknowledgments towards my loved ones.

One thing first, I want to thank my grandparents who used to feed me when I decide not to eat after fighting with my younger ones. My parents who nurtured me as a Systematic Investment Plan without worrying about market conditions. Then I am thankful to Rangoli, Chitrahaar and Alif Laila for making my childhood so exciting. My friend Babu who used to take me to the water Jammed nearby our house to give me the feel of water parks, when it rains. My shop were I learned Six Sigma, Business Continuity Planning, Micro finance and moreover full maa-behan. Special thanks to FTV, Zee MGM and Baywatch to provide balanced supplements for a growing teenager. I am highly obsessed with Bollywood and music n you will find it out. I thank you all who came to my life and consumed my valuable time. But what is the life without getting disturbed.

Recent Beneficiaries of Thank Award goes to ISO 9001 , Her Highness Ms. Munnii & FPO certified  her Highness Ms.Sheela .

Above all there is nothing serious, nothing personal just fun .

Meeting Room

How does an IT service affect our business goals? That was the agenda of today`s meeting. All folks were shaking there mundees as they are going to help Will Smith to save the planet.

 Give me some points? Boss asked.

 1 fella said- its Spam , hmmmm (Boss nodded).

Next 1- virus & worms,,,ok.

Other one- Por***y,,,,,NEVER!!(ths time its me but in mind).

Then Boss got a call n he replied”hey friend &^^%U&*&^^%$@#..” We were waiting for Boss to finish the call like Tushar waits for Ekta to produce movies. After 15 minutes the talk is done then I thought, the agenda is about Information Technology or ”Interruption from Telecomm”??

Phew!! These meetings sucks!!!. Though we used to get invitations for meetings in college but who cares. We had rather significant work to do like testing the bandwidth capacity from the test vectors like songs, movies, wallpapers, games & ******* (u know). If I had given importance to the college activities I will also be able to fool, I mean, to pay attention to the Boss as my companions did(ab pachtave hot kya jab chidiya chug gayi khet). I have no regret about my past but some of you (readers) know what I did last summer.

That meeting was getting worse as I was unable to concentrate and more to it there was a girl seated in front of me.

No friends, I was not staring THERE.

Now guys don’t try to assume. I am telling you she was`nt hot and No.. No.. No revealing clothes. I hate this place there is no EXPOSURE(I am telling in terms of corporate experience,,What u guys  r thinking ..huh??? ). The girl was typical Bhartiya Naari  but hur Akcent waaz …umm …American. I don’t  know what is the use of American accent without American outfit. She was responding on each n every sentence like…

Yes Suur….Yaa Suur…..

I don’t know why girls always want to create some hype. Her pseudo seductive voice trying to steal the show. I hate girls!!! Hey Hey stop, don’t take it otherwise, I am straight.

Let me describe her attire. She was wearing blue n green salwar – kameez. I thought that she is going green. That’s good but going green needs so much money to spend on vegetables to make attire like celebrities. I thought to suggest her about PETA. You don’t need to wear just paint. This inflation is turning everybody`s red (hint). This is my first attempt to write about  a girl. As I grow like H. C. Verma, J. K. Rowling, Emraan Hashmi or Vladimir Nabokov( google it), I will be able to stretch it more.

Then a thick n harsh voice struck me, same as we used to listen on Doordarshan when the Crow used to enjoy the feast on the antenna.

 Lallan….Lallan!!  r u listening??

Aaaa…y..ya yes sir…. I said.

So can you conclude the meeting?? Boss asked.

Mar gaye Yaar…..Now what to say??